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Whatever we choose to do about this fact, the office boy must acknowledge it before he brings his female co-workers to his favorite queer watering hole, and the bridesmaids must acknowledge it before they plan their girls’ night out.
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I can, however, point to something too often ignored: There is still a yawning gap of understanding and sensitivity between the straight and LGBTQ world. And some broad conclusion about that state of hetero-homo relations is out of my manicured reach. I can’t suggest that gays open up their bars to all, because I believe we deserve a place to be ourselves. I can’t suggest, like Thomas did, that straight people avoid gay spaces, because it appears that battle has been lost. I want to tie this all up neatly, but I don’t see an easy solution.
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They declare their allegiance to queers, they make jokes based on outmoded perceptions of queer life-but most of all they make a lot of tone-deaf noise that can entirely ruin the night for a room full of queer patrons. Yes, queen, I live for your shoes! Ugh, why do gay guys have the best bodies? If you were straight, I would totally make out with you.
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Even with the guidance of a “gay boy,” a group of office girls can run roughshod over the nerves of a gay room with their uncomfortable pronouncements and personal comments. It’s about straight people behaving badly in gay bars, arriving in balance-tipping throngs and turning pseudo-sex clubs into silly dance halls, drag shows into disrespectful free-for-alls, and quiet lounges into scream-filled shot dispensaries. And it’s not about straight people showing up in gay bars in general. This intensifying turf war does not spring from hetero-phobia. Versed in the semiotics of gayness, she was instantly welcomed as a native. Now this is a girl in her element, I thought, as she gave a Paris-is-Burning turn and draped herself across the laps of her boys.
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A few weeks back, I saw a woman march into a Chelsea bar at the head of a veritable gay herd, snapping open an enormous hand-fan to the cheers of onlookers. In the past, almost every girl has brought along a homo willing to serve as her “pass” (if not a crowd of homos). But whether they functioned as pull-toys or ring-leaders, they have usually come as guests of gays who can vouch for their status as queer allies. From divas and Broadway starlets to so-called fag hags, fruit flies, and princess fairies, they have been welcomed or at least tolerated. Unlike straight men, straight women have always had a prominent place in gay bars. “Girl,” she said, “At least once a week now …” There was the group of girls that jumped the stage as I tried to perform “Dancing on my Own”-now isn’t that ironic, Alanis? There were the ladies who came screaming to defend their girlfriend as I ribbed her in the audience. As I struggled to regain control of my show, I thought, hey, haven’t I been fighting this fight a lot lately? I asked Ms.